22 August 2009

1997 part 26 - that swimming trunks moment

Oh, it was awful man! She was sitting next to him and under the table in front of me they were laughing and giggling and fingering each others hand and laughing and looking at me and I lost it again and gently slapped R around the head and said “stop it!” and left the pub and decided to say to Nick “please, not in front of me” because that’s the stage it has got to at the moment and I’m really upset but I shouldn’t be but I am.

This inevitability is crushing because Nick always hates to touch anyone because of her fuck up.

Let me tell you about it. When she was quite young, about 13 or 12, she was walking through a wood near where she lived and was accosted by a gang of four young teenagers. Well, she wasn’t exactly accosted she was lying there on a sheet of corrugated iron (she told me) masturbating. You know, enjoying herself, when these guys stumbled across her. She was made to perform sexual acts with these guys and
they all…

That fucking Alfie, Jane from upstairs cat, has just kicked off in the kitchen. What a row! Yowling, spitting, scary, adrenalin rushing stuff. Totty, my cat, was right on top of her, protecting the kittens I think, so I ran and shut the window and grabbed Alfie and Totty jumped on her and there was loads of hissing and spitting and my hand is fucking bleeding something chronic with scratches that have broken the skin.

It was enough, anyway, to take me away from what I was writing. Enough to realise that I’ve already told you enough about Nick’s past. She was very disturbed afterwards and at school used to rub herself up against desks or her bicycle seat all the time and moan loudly and get into trouble with the teachers who never used to do anything or say anything to anyone. All her friends used to laugh at her behaviour. Even her mother used to make little comments on her behaviour when she caught her rubbing her bike seat in the garden shed but never asked her why and never assumed that that sort of behaviour in a young teen may be symptomatic of some sort of sexual abuse. Besides, her mother and father were in the process of a real messy cat and mouse furtive sex game and her dad was later to have an affair with a woman who was an ex swimming champ and not much older that Nick is now. Her dad was well on his way to drinking a bottle of whiskey a day by this time and he used to lie about going swimming and go and see his woman instead. He was eventually rumbled one day when Nick’s mum asked him if he enjoyed his swimming and when he said yes she produced his swimming trunks still complete with the knot she had tied in them earlier that morning. He used to wet them under the tap to kid her that he’d been swimming but didn’t spot the knot. The slippery slope had been engaged
and it was only a matter of time.