Where do I start with Clare’s ‘Goths and Chavs’ party at Tea and Times the other night? Black painted nails, back combed hair and black clothes predominated. Enhanced by some with patent leather, red, fetishist clothing and white faces and fake spider web finger nails. Oh how we laughed.
My primary concerns that evening were; ignoring Tort and her new boyfriend; ignoring Julia; keeping the ‘I’m soo over Conrad’ JP and her permanently excited and sweating body away from my quiff and, chiefly, securing some positive time with the lovely Clare. I succeeded in all except the latter; turning into a spongy jelly every time she came near me. I reacquainted my self with K's ex Dave Robert (with no 's'; I was shouting 'Hi Dave Roberts' ans was wondering why he was looking at me funny), who went out with her for five years. It ended, seemingly, according to the local gossip from ND, because he couldn’t commit fully to her son. Which is surprising because he later took on Lorraine’s two kids and was a good dad to them apparently. Don’t believe any gossip, as it’s always half cocked, but it does give me a bit of insider information as I never knew that K went out with DR or that she had a child. Got a call last night anyway from birthday girl Clare who thanked me for providing the rig and DJing and would I like to come over for a meal at, get this, not hers but Katrina’s through the week. Of course I said yes I’d love to.
Sarah, homeless and in a battered woman’s hostel, denied full access to her children and living in a nut house with eastern European ex prostitutes and junkies (ex? I don’t think so), rang me yesterday and we sort of sorted things out from the other night when she got up out of bed at 1am and stormed off in an aggressive huff because I wouldn’t fuck her as much as she wanted me to. Talk about pressurising someone.
It’s not that really. She needs love and that’s how she’s expressing it. The woman is sexually insatiable and the more she behaves like that the more I seem to withdraw from her. ‘I want some thing more than just cuddles tonight’, she said. ‘I need to feel you closer to me’. I was fucked from work and didn’t fancy it. I neede to get to sleep as I had an early start. It was 1am and I was getting increasingly needy of some sleep.
Her Walter Mitty type ex husband is playing some nasty mind games her and despite her saying she is all streetwise and everything she’s actually quite emotionally naïve and is exploited by everyone around her. Except me. I play down this boyfriend girlfriend thing that she keeps saying we have but at the most I only see her once a week for a few hours and all she wants to do is fuck which I don’t. Not that I don’t like to do that but there’s more to life than that and unless the biggest sexual organ we humans possess, our mind, is stimulated then it’s not worth bothering with anything in the first place. I think. What am I? A performing seal. Friendship and closeness has always been more important to me that the mere act of lust itself. Anyway, we may or may to arrange to have a night out this Friday. We’re going to see how it goes. I’m not in love with her and really don’t want her to become too attached to me. She has her court case in London soon where her mother is up for the
attempted murder of her daughter. I kid thee not. Heavy shit. So, I need to be a friend to her and support her through this and show a bit of understating as to why she feels the way she does at the moment. And that’s before the custody case for her two daughters is even talked about. She’s so self conscious about her body too, particularly her stomach which is so stretched after her two kids, that she keeps her arm permanently covering it; naked or clothed. I think she just wants to feel attractive and I’m carrying so much of my own baggage around I don’t know if I’m the person to give her that bolster her ego needs all the time. I try to try my best. She’s got a lot of issues which I don’t even know if I can help her through! Luckily for her it’s manifesting in an obsessive compulsive urge to clean and tidy and fold everything she comes across.
I never got to ignore Tort as she was very friendly and ever so happy I couldn’t be upset with her at all and we ended up having quite a nice night with each other. It started off with me going round Rosie’s to get my costume sorted out, finger nails painted and hair sorted out. I do like spending time with the women when they’re all being girly and we had a good laugh; joking around and taking photos of each others costumes before jumping into my car and heading down town.
I do try to be hurt by Tort but she’s so lovely to me I think I love her even more now that we’re no longer boyfriend and girlfriend. I still really miss that sexual intimacy I used to have with her though. The next day down the Neptune she gave me such a lovely hug and such a deep smile I nearly burst into tears with the love I felt for her. I quite like this ‘let’s be friends with your ex’ thing. It’s really starting to pay off for us. In a way I wish we’d never got together as soon as we did and had become friends a bit more. Oh well.
Pointless time travelling back in time isn’t it? As long as she’s happy with Jay then I’m happy with her being happy with him too. It’s what friends are for isn’t it?