13 June 2009

T10. Still better something than nothing at all ey?

So, anyway, I eventually get on the decks and finish the night off winging it on my new tunes and thoroughly enjoying myself and getting them mixes in sharp and mixing a lot because I’ve got a lot of records to get through and after the gig I get some really nice responses from everyone who danced their little socks off on the floor of the pub.

S said I am the best DJ he’s ever heard. I was touched, I know I’m good but, hey, it’s nice to hear it, and so I gave him a Lawnchair Generals tune which I know he’ll like. After we went back to S&E’s bus for a chill out.

J, said to me in the pub that she missed our little cuddles that we sometimes sneak with each other but because I have respect for them both as a couple I wouldn’t ever take it any further. Oh no. But I do like my cuddles with her when we do have them.

Tonight a ‘hips in’ hug suffices and her cheeky little grin really cheers me up. She seems so happy.

After one particular gig, a free party in some cold storage farm, I was walking past this car, it was shaking suspiciously from side to side, and I had a peep in; as you do. It was S. He was fucking this girl. He clocked me and mouthed “don’t tell T”, his girlfriend at the time, and I said “OK”. So, I know he’s a ‘player’ and he’s a letch and sexist and not very well educated and when “Fish Finger John” was caught in a compromising position with T one night S was reluctant to ‘avenge’ the crime. Peer pressure more or less forced him to half heartedly punch FFJ in the face once summer evening outside the Foun-tain. But, job done, he could get on with his life in peace.

Back at the bus/coach it was like having a party in a corridor. They had the decks set up and cold beer to hand. They insisted I finish my set off so I got on the decks, after the genny was fired up, and did just that; playing for a few extra hours until Louis looked like he was in a fit state to drive. Tort seemed to enjoy herself. She loves that same thing I do and gets a great kick off buzzing around from venue to party to pub or whatever; ‘chasing the vibe’ as I call it and if you’re not into the stationary mass partaking of drink and drugs then it’s an ideal way get around and see as many people as one feasibly can in the shortest amount of time possible.

Louis dropped Tort and I back off in Whitstable and went home to his family. It was good to see him out and about on a saturday night as he's doesn't get out much these days let alone get a chance to 'party'. T and I head for S&A's after we pick my car up. It's freezing cold end of winter evening and we're glad to get in the warm of the house. In the back room A is playing records of a random sort, chiefly, The Go Beats! and some tunes involving trumpets and latin rhythms. Everyone there is dancing and smiling and enjoying themselves. They are glad to see us and after hugs and greetings a Gin and tonic is thrust in my hand and I settle down for a few hours.

Helene and her new man Jules are deep in conversation in the corner. I go over to say hi but they ignore me. Jules gets up to leave and H follows. They look worried.

Today at work H said J was fine until A pulled out a tiny bit of MDMA. She said J said he didn't want her taking drugs or getting pissed. He didn't want a relationship with a drunk and drug user. She said he's OK though. Got a lot of baggage with his wife leaving him and his parents dying recently. H is lovely and I hope things work out for them.

J&E are really pissed and falling about and enjoying themselves with tremendous gusto. At one point E goes; "I can see that look in his eyes. Hide your clothes A". Sure enough I get to see a picture the next day of Justin dressed up in A's clothes. Casual drunken tranvestitism seems to be the order of the day.

After a few hours Tort leans over and says that she'd like to go now. I stop what I'm doing and run her home. She invites me in but we keep it shallow and drink some tea and smoke a spliff. I'd like to talk to her about how I feel but I can tell she is getting tired so don't even try. At the bottom of the stairs, as I'm leaving, she kisses me on the lips and the smile she gives me melts my heart and I drive home half in tears and half very pleased that we had such a good night out. She's like that though; sees me working so hard for her and just when I'm about to give up she gives me a little something. Regretful, sad, but aware, that that is all I'm ever going to really get from her and that is about as connected we will ever be. I know this. I know this. Why perservere though? Still better something than nothing at all ey? And, regretfully I am still attracted to her, so anything I get from her is good for me. Especially a friendship. This outcome is unlikely and the more it becomes so the more the attractiveness fades.