23 May 2009

But it’s not real.

Ah! That was it! Down the EK! That’s what reminded me writing the last entry down. It all happened down the EK.

As a result I’ve got Polly completely blanking me and Nero shivering and juddering every time I touch her. I remember down the East Kent (DTEK) her screaming at the top of her voice in a packed pub “Fucking don’t fucking touch me…” and other such stuff that, you know, as soon as you begin to hear it your brain shuts it down and all you can really see is these lips moving in silence .

In bed it’s there, us lying together but apart and as soon as I lean over to put my arm around her she exaggeratedly pulls her arm or her shoulder away and sighs out real loud breath style. “Hey,” she seems to be saying, “I’m pissed off with you and you’d better work hard to get me to talk to you about it because I might not even bother talking to you again unless you do.”

But that was last night and today is today and today she is making an effort and so am I and we’re, actually, having a good time. Of sorts. Not all the time is fighting and breaking up slowly. Sometimes there are oceans of calm but only the fighting is remembered.

She’s still a little subdued and I fuss over her a little too much, not touching her too much either because if she stops letting me touch her then I know I’m fucked.

At the party in the sunshine in front of everyone I keep her pipe filled with this excellent grass that I bought for loads of money. I keep her glass filled and she even dances with me and gives me a hug on the dance floor. The sun shines and the world seems like a nice place for a bit.

And it’s great. But it’s not real. But it is real because it’s happening and, well, today is a new day. If we’re getting on well TODAY then the relationship is well, is it not?