2 March 2009

Everyone’s taking cocaine

From Mayfair to Morden,
From Soho to Sidcup,
From Richmond to Dalston,
Through old Regent’s Park.
From Borough to Bayswater,
From Crouch End to Clapham,
From Denham to Tooting,
Beneath Marble Arch,
There are daughters of ministers,
Children of clergy.
There are amiable, honorable,
Barristers verging
On every single section
Of today’s society.
Have thrown figs to the wind
And embraced with such glee,
The most wonderful past time,
To have come around in years.
Yes, policeman and plumbers,
Road sweepers and peers,
Simply everyone’s,

At sports days in villages, cities and towns,
World records are breaking,
They just can’t slow down.
In the fathers race
One chap was, rushing at speed
Had recorded a time just below
And that was the 400 metres.
He had holidayed near Costa Rica.
Simply everyone’s taking cocaine.

Well I saw Fizzy Sipworth,
Last Saturday night.
And her eyes seem blazed,
with this wonderful light.
I said, "Fizzy, my darling,
You look quite divine."
She said, "You would do too,
If you’d just had a line".

When I saw a young officer, pounding his beat.
I said, "Officer, why are you grinding your teeth?"
He said, "You should try walking ten miles, sir.
I know I can jump 20 styles, sir.
Simply everyone’s taking cocaine, sir."

When I saw Auntie Milly
In last seasons clothes,
She said car, house and yacht,
Had gone straight up her nose.
But she’d had the most wonderful time,
And the whole thing seemed simply sublime.
I said, "Milly my dear,
You’ll be dead at this rate."
"Not at all", parried she,
"But I’ve just had a plate with metal
Put into my nose."
And now she’s hoovering it back up,
Like a hose.
Simply everyone’s taking cocaine.

Well I saw uncle Berty.
He danced on the table.
I said "Berty, you’re past it
And surely not able."
"Precisely my boy,
I’m past 83,
And you’d dance just the same
If you’d hoofed a whole G
Of Columbian
Straight from the rock."
Bertie’s death was no terrible shock.
So after the funeral,
After the wake,
We were all in an under exuberant state.
Till the point when things were so dead
at twenty past 9
Aunt Milly said cheekily,
"Let’s have a line."
And we all shouted
Hip- hip- hooray.
Simply everyone’s taking cocaine.

Bus drivers are tooting it.
Jockeys are hoofing it.
DJ’s are spinning it.
Gamblers winning it.
Horses manouvering it.
Cleaners are hoovering it.
Models are booked on it.
Anglers hooked on it.
Pensioners drawing it.
Footballers scoring it.
Technicians making it.
P A’s are baking it.
Producers are trying it.
A and R men denying it.
Publishers collecting it.
Lawyers protecting it.
Artists are begging it.
Some of them pegging it.
It seems a bit simple,
There’s no one to blame,
But the whole of this nation,
Is taking,

Simply everyone’s taking cocaine.
Oh how gay it all seems
And how bright we all are.
How much fun we are having,
And oh what a laugh
To have blistering jousting and sharp repartee.
Oh please less,
About you.
And please more,
About ME.